He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
