Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
