I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
