"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
