i think my tv is drunk
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
