I never want to see another naked old woman again.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
