I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
