did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
