It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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