R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
