I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
