Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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