i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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