Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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