i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
