i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
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