Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
