I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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