hotel room ftw
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
