john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
