We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
