Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
