"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
