The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
