the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
