My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
