Ambien. No doubt about it.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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