as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
