Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
