I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
