everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
