I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
