Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
