ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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