I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
