no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
