captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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