I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am mentally ready for anal.
I wear drunk well.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
