Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
