The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
