you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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