oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
