Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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