I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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