I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
