It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my shit smells like andre
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
