I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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