Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
