Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
