like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
