I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
