plz talk dirty to me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
