She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
