WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
