my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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