Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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