Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
