So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
