I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
