My sheets look like a crime scene.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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