just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
