I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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