i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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