Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
PANTIES FOUND
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