I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
