Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
